Today sucks.  I am really missing my husband.  I am on edge due to all the weather last night.  I am sick.  And?  Today was supposed to be the day Armydad graduated from OCS.  Most days I am fine with this.  Most of the time I feel we made the right decision.  But right now, I just want to throw things.

We have given up so much for this Army life and we keep getting screwed at every turn.  We had a plan worked out to be debt free in just a couple years.  Then Armydad did not get into OCS and we took a huge pay difference.  Now we will barely make ends meet and have nothing left for paying extra debts.

The biggest sacrifice I have made is my next baby.  We had plans to adopt again at the start of next year.  We thought we would be in a great place financially and Armydad would be through with all trainings.  But, that cannot happen.  I am hopeful that we will one day find a way to finance another adoption, but right now, I am working hard trying to let go of the desire for more babies because it might not ever happen.

(And before anyone attacks me for being lazy and not wanting to work, let me elaborate a little.  I have 2 special needs kids.  In a given month, we usually have 5-8 medical appointments.  In a given month, there are usually at least 3 or 4 sick days.  [Thing1’s immune system is so bad we have had it tested to see if it works.  Nothing abnormal showed on the tests.]  I would be VERY hard pressed to find a job that would allow me to miss as often as I need to.  Not to mention that one day Thing1 will go on the transplant list and I may have to move and live near the hospital with him.  I would actually love to try and work part time, but am doubtful I could find a job where I would make enough to cover daycare costs…)

We have done everything we are supposed to do.  Most of the people who did not make it into OCS, chose to discharge from the Army.  Armydad did not.  He chose to serve our country in whatever capacity the Army needed.  He got a job that he did not really want.  But, he went to the training, he tried his best and excelled.  Now, he is stuck in holding waiting for orders.  Again, he is doing what he is supposed to.  He volunteers for every detail.  He does not hide in a bathroom stall and sleep as some of the others do.  Yet, he was just told he will not get any weekend passes while in holding.  (He is going to try and go up the chain of command on this one.)

I know this a long, ranty, whiny post, but that is how I am feeling today.  I still hope that Armydad will get a great unit and our opinions of Army life will change, but with each passing day, I am becoming more sure that he will no longer be in the Army in 2 1/2 years…


3 thoughts on “Yuck!

  1. You are allowed as many of these as you want!

    I have two kids also, my husband has been in the Navy for 5 1/2 years already as a Nuke and we still can’t be out of debt. He had to re-enlist for a bonus so we could afford to feed our daughter when she was born. I have worked with special needs kids and commend you for adopting two of them. I hope to do the same someday when I no longer am to carry my own children. Even with my own two kids being so crazy and hard to deal with at time, I can not even imagine what you go through. In the end, we love our kids though and that’s what matters.

    People don’t understand when any person decides to be a stay at home mom. Both of our kids need us and it’s the right thing to do for us. For me, I would rather raise my own kids than have a day care provider raise my kids. I may eventually go back to work, but until they are completely grown and in college, I will be there when they leave for school and I will be there when they return home from school. It’s the way my mom was and I love how close my brothers and I are to her.

    So if you ever want to rant and rave and whine, go for it! If you don’t want to do it on here, email me or text me or call me or something. I will be here to listen. *hugs* Hope your week is getting better!

    • Thank you! That comment meant a lot to me. I actually just made a spur of the moment decision to go visit my husband this weekend, so I am doing better now!

  2. 🙂 I’m glad you’re going to see him! He’s a lucky man to be able to have his family visit and for having a wife willing to make the drive to visit! Enjoy the time! Have fun!

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