Doing Well

I am doing really well currently with the separation!  A little back story first:  When my husband left in November, I did so much better than I expected to.  I did not cry at all the day he left (and I am a crier!)  The boys and I headed to my parent’s house the day after he left, so we had a great distraction for the first few days.  Once we got back, I was busy learning how to do it all on my own and getting all of Thing1’s stuff set for his heart transplant evaluation (and a week spent in a hotel with 2 kids.)  My mom went with me for the medical stuff.  So, my husband was gone for 3 1/2 weeks, but I spent more than 1 1/2 weeks with family.  I had a few days that were hard where I felt sad.  Mostly, I felt guilty.  Because I was doing so well without him and the other wives I had met online were not.  Did that mean I did not love my husband as much?  Or was I just better prepared on what to expect?

Since he has gone back this time, I have had more bad days than last time.  This time I knew it was a much longer separation.  I was expecting to completely fall apart this time, staring down the barrel of months apart.  I have had a couple days like that.  But, for the most part, I am doing good.  (Confession: I had one really bad day when I was sick when I decided it was not worth it and really wanted him to quit!  Gosh, I was dramatic that day!  Good thing I did not get to talk to him!)

I think this is a hard life.  I have fears about it.  But, I also think it is worth it.  I am dreading deployments, but I know they are inevitable, so I am looking towards the positives: deployments are supposed to be good for the career, so maybe Armydad will get a promotion shortly after his first deployment!  Plus the money is much better.  We can pay stuff off, sock money away to have when Thing1’s heart acts up and we have to live in a hotel near the hospital for weeks, etc.  I am hoping Armydad has a year or so home with us before he deploys.  But I also realize he could leave us again after only a few days together…

So, now the guilt has set in again.  A few of the other wives have said lately that they are not doing well and really struggling with the separation.  I am not.  I am kind of thriving right now.  I have been a cleaning, errand running, laundry doing machine lately!  My house was completely cleaned and all of my laundry done in the past few days.  Yesterday, I took the boys to the zoo and ran several errands with them in tow.  And I cannot even remember when I cried for my husband last.  Does that make me a bad wife?  I love my husband.  I miss him.  But, this is our life now and nothing will be accomplished if I sit around and cry, mope, or complain, so why bother?

(Also, I just thought of comparing this to Thing1’s medical issues.  Other parents ask me often how I handle it.  How do I handle all of the medical appointments?  How do I handle the knowledge that this could take him from me?  I just do it because it is my life and I have to.  What will be accomplished if I sit around and cry and complain about our horrible lot in life?  I want him to have the best life he can, regardless of whether that is a short or long life.  Hmmm, maybe that is why I am doing better with the separation.  Never though about that.  Thing1’s medical stuff has taught me to seize the day and not dwell on the future.)

Anyway, I love and miss my husband, but I am also doing great!  (I still love him and miss him though.  I really need to let go of the guilt and realize I can love and miss him and still thrive while he is gone…)

How do the other wives who read here handle it?  Do you fall apart a lot?  Mope and cry often?  Or do you thrive through it?


2 thoughts on “Doing Well

  1. As a heart recipient, please feel free to lean on me at ANY time. I know this can be a LONG journey for the entire family.


  2. I am not an army wife, and knew back when my husband and I met that I could NOT handle a traveling man. I have such respect for you ladies who do, it is HARD. I have a young friend in a similar situation and see her struggle. Of course you will have hard days, but you will have good too. Give yourself a little grace my friend, you don’t have to have it all together 🙂 Blessings and prayers for many good days this week!

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