I have had babies on the brain lately. Several of the new Army wives I have met that are training with my husband just had a baby, are pregnant, or are planning to get pregnant as soon as training is over. Plus I got some baby news from someone close to me recently. So, I am having my normal reaction to all of this: wanting a baby NOW!
Our plan has been to wait until the boys are in school. Financially, we are still recovering from 2 adoptions in less than 2 years. Plus we don’t know what is going to happen with Thing1’s heart. But, I am not sure I want to wait that long. By the time Armydad finishes training, we will have paid off both cars and some other debts, so we will be better financially (still not perfect, but better!) And I fear that if we wait for Thing1’s heart transplant, we may wait 10 years. We just don’t know when things are going to happen with his heart.
So, I have been trying to figure out when is the best time to introduce a baby into an Army family? Right after training will be a time of adjustment because we will have spent at least 6 months living apart, we will have just moved and be in the midst of settling in, finding schools, doctors, etc. If we wait a year or so, then, chances are, we will be looking at a deployment. Bring a baby home while he is deployed? He would miss a lot of the firsts (and I would be on my own to deal with the travel issues, finances, paperwork, etc. associated with adoption.) Then I thought we could do the paperwork while he was home on R and R during his first deployment so we would be officially waiting about the time he came home from the deployment. If we waited for several months, this might work best. We would have time to adjust to Armydad coming home. But, we expected to wait at least 6 months when we adopted Thing2 and we only waited 6 weeks. Is it a good idea to bring a baby home at almost the same time that Armydad returns from his first deployment?
It is so much more complex with adoption. We have no idea of the time frame. From the day we started the paperwork to the day Thing1 was in our arms was around 6 months, Thing2 was less than 3! But, I have friends who adopted around the same time and waited for close to a year. So, it could be a really fast process or it could take years. That makes the planning more difficult.
It is hitting me that there is never going to be a perfect time in the Army life to start this process. At some point, we are just going to have to do it. I might end up alone dealing with the complexities of adoption and 3 kids. I know I could handle that a lot better than Armydad. He will struggle with missing everything.
In the end I know it will all work out and the timing will appear to be perfect, whenever that time may come!